The date: April 30, 2014
The place: Crema, Nashville, TN
The description: Oh Nashville hipster, how do I loathe thee? Let me count the ways… I hate the way your stupid hat is barely perched on top of your head. I hate the fact that you’re even wearing a stupid toboggan when it’s 80 degrees outside. I hate your stupid jeans and the stupid GIANT hole through which your knee is sticking. I hate your stupid Doc Martens – mainly because the fact that you’re wearing them probably means they’re vintage now which means I’m old. But most importantly, I hate your stupid sunglasses and the fact that you wore them, inside, the entire time – even when you had three friends come sit and talk with you. I realize that you’re probably twenty, and thus this reference will probably escape you, but “How Rude!!”
One of the few downsides of the attention my amazing city has been receiving lately is the influx of the hipster. It has reached epidemic proportions. I now know how people in Brooklyn must have felt five years ago. This kid made me feel like my mother. All I wanted to do was smack him on the head, pull off that stupid hat, and tell him it’s not polite to wear sunglasses indoors. And then punch him in the face for making me feel old. (Spoiler alert: I did not do anything of those things.)
The lesson: Just dress like a normal human being. That’s all. Oh.. and take your sunglasses and hat off indoors, young man.