The year was 2003. I was smack dab (don’t you just love that phrase) in the middle of my second year of law school and my sixth consecutive year of college. All of that schooling combined with the recent illness and loss of a family member had left me totally and completely burned out. What brought me joy and made me smile during that time? This:
Every Wednesday night after church my roommate, two of our girl friends, and I would pick up Guthrie’s for dinner (96 grams of fatty goodness in a box) and head back to our apartment to watch Newlyweds. Now prior to this show, I had no use for these people. Even at the height of my boy-band fandom, Nick Lachey never did anything for me and I always thought Jessica was kind of generic. But once those two crazy kids let a camera crew and the rest of America into their home, I kind of loved them.
And so (like so many of you I’m sure) I was crushed when they split up. I was positive my love for the two of them would dissolve just like their marital assets once they were apart. I was also positive the two of them would fade into oblivion after the tabloid furor regarding their split died down.
But my girl Jess has pulled a second act comeback in a major way. By now I’m sure you’ve all seen her clothes, shoes, bags, jewelry, etc. But did you realize that her fashion empire is a BILLION DOLLAR company??? That’s legit business right there. And the best part is that a lot of her stuff is totally cute, wearable and affordable.
I’m thinking these shorts are a good example of that:
Let’s break it down.
Things I like: 1. the scalloped hem, 2. the coral color, 3. the floral pattern, 4. the under-$50 price tag.
Things I don’t like: 1. my thighs
Basically there’s nothing I don’t love about these shorts. I think they would look really cute with a tucked in chambray shirt or a flowy, gauzy white top and some gold gladiator sandals this summer. But will I still love them when they are exposing my secret thigh shame to the world? Can we mere mortals wear these, or are they reserved for the tiny, tan teenagers of the world? And did anyone EVER think there would come a day when Jessica Simpson was the owner of a billion dollar company? Clearly the apocalypse is upon us.